Striving to Grow.......

Life is busy. Life is busy with a husband and three kids. Personally, I've been trying to carve more time out for God, and for genuine quality time with my family. It's hard. I want to grow spiritually and make special memories with my kids. I actually crave it. I want to grow as a wife and a mother. Maybe it's because I'm 30 this year or maybe I am just ready for a more "mature" phase in my life. I'm excited to see what God has in store. Don't get me wrong, I know this is going to come with obstacles, struggles and feeling uncomfortable. We grow in those moments. 

 

The last few weeks/months have been a whirlwind of emotion as my earthly father went up to be with my heavenly father on September 21st. He was diagnosed with stage 4 Liver/Lung cancer on Sept 4th was given 3-6 months to live per the oncologist. A quick 17 days later, he was taken home. The Ultimate Healing. It wasn't the healing I had wanted, but I knew if it was his time to go..my prayer was it be as pain free and quick as possible.  I miss him. I miss him a lot. I think to myself, I have been growing spiritually through this loss because, what else is there? What is the alternative? God is it. He's all I have that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that is 100% certain. That is a hard truth. I have an amazing husband and three children that I call my own...but really they aren't. God has entrusted me this brief time on Earth with these gifts and he can take them home whenever he wants. My prayer, for you the reader is that you realize that this life is but a vapor. I have friends who didn't understand how I handled this loss with such peace and grace...well I didn't. God did...through me. I now have lost both my mom and dad...it feels terribly unfair to me...but to wish them to be down on earth instead of where they are.....it's selfish. I am selfish. I'm human. I want them here...but know they are SO much better off where they are. I have a great peace going into the holidays and I know this is going to be a hard time for my family and step mama, but God is always faithful. He will see us through. Until I see you again dad....